fatalism

The definition of fatalism is this: a doctrine that events are fixed in advance so that human beings are powerless to change them

As God paints a masterpiece out of my spilled guts it dawns on me that watching the promise slip between my fingers is necessary. It can't be omited from the record.

Every day the sun rises and sets on my grief and sorrow. Time's passage is a futile death march to infinity. Despair sets in like Judas's last breath as I await the splendor that will ignite the atmosphere.

It can't be omited. Someone needs to experience this. The painting must be complete and as the past enters into rear view hindsight desperate prayers unanswerable become a litany of highest praise.

Eloi eloi Lama sabachthani. If only a drop of water touches my tongue I will be okay. A great chasm has been fixed between here and there. My entry into the record of human affairs is this: 

I am losing everything.