Monday, November 21, 2016

Sexuality and the Halls of Fashion, part 2

I did this write up of a weird and profound dream I had back in January about something deep and primal in humanity that predates our exodus from the jungle and settlement in cities, It described the formation of society as we know it through the lens of a quest to join in on the hyper-sexual city life as imagined from beyond the city's walls in what I call the tribal jungle life.

 I tried to write about a topic that I've never studied formally and have only been given knowledge of through a spirit guide in a dream. Try to keep in mind I'm not an expert, this is all for fun, and sometimes I write in a way that others find too erudite. So the message may have been lost and may well remain incomprehensible.

 I tried to (somewhat poetically) explain that a sexual restlessness forms in individuals in tribal culture that causes them to seek life in the city. Perhaps they saw a beautifully groomed woman dressed fashionably once outside the city, or a man returned to the tribe with a fashionable gold watch. The wonder and astonishment these sightings imparted creates a fantasy of what life in the city must be and so begins their longing for something. Something the city isn't and can't be, but outwardly purports to be.
 Men and women, once captured by the city gates find themselves unable to return to the tribal life and in turn try to create the fantasy. Through fashion, prostitution, pornography, gender and sexuality nonconformity, and sometimes violence.

 I'm linking this write-up I did again because today I realized that the irrational hatred I occasionally experience because I am transgender must go deeper than just dumb shitty people being shitty. I tend to give the worst of humanity more credit and leeway than that. I now believe it is a deep-seated primal frustration that the expectations born out in the jungle are still in us. We still crave the latest fashions, we still peruse pornography, gender and sexuality nonconformity is in the forefront to the annoyance of many and we still haven't fulfilled that fantasy.

 In my dream I remember my disappointment when the pinnacle of the hyper-sexuality I was yearning for was a seedy, dirty pornography viewing booth. I feel that in a similar way my being transgender must be a disappointment to someone else's primal yearnings.

So I must apologize. I am sorry I do not meet your expectations, but I will also say that you should try to settle for something that comes close and learn to love it, because this shit is probably never going to be paradise.