we have always been here

I effortlessly became the villain of the story. Convinced that I had earned a damnation, eternal, and reserved exclusively for me. I became a homunculus watching from inside as the body and mind I had thought were mine, I had thought were Me, throw both of us into hell with such fury and indignation. All I felt was horror. All I felt was fear. Do I really want to go to hell this badly? Do I hate God this viciously? I queried what I knew to be true of myself and found neither proposition within. What then? What was the provenance of this thanatos that possessed me? Was I possessed? I certainly wasn't in control. Had a demon taken over my flesh, rendering me into a dark corner of the mind that should belong to me in totality? Or perhaps this is just the way things are. Perhaps no one possesses their mind and body in full. This could happen to anyone. It could be happening to everyone. Tiny homunculi in dark corners of macabre animated skulls laughing as they hurl to and fro. We fumble in the dark for a lever to regain control. Regain...when did we have control? Another query sent deep. Never. We have always been here.