Thursday, July 5, 2018

For you.

...then a flash of lightning surges through a hundred billion neurons. A vision of you losing your ego over and over again. Then the thunder washes over me, pure delight as the excited neurons dump orgasmic chemical pleasure. I see you getting down on your knees a hundred times or more, and I know deep down that this isn't torture. I am not evil for taking delight in your collapse. This is the righteousness you've been hiding from. It's only for a moment in any case. The delight passes.

You see this vision is still a ways off. You will carry on in your vain attempts to make your own destiny, for some time yet. No man knows the hour. There are those however who know, with certainty, that the hour is imminent.

We feel pain from your failure to accept reality. To accept that you've never known how to be in control. So much less have you actually accomplished control.

What you've done is point the finger at everyone else around you for being in control of their drinking, their smoking, their eating, their anger or their pain and you've even blamed people for their own sadness.

You engage in this behavior of seeing "free will" in everyone else's actions because you've never once been truly convinced of your own control. If you were capable of being honest with yourself and seeing this is true, you wouldn't be in this mess.

You shout, "You're in control, how could you do that?" But this is purely a fantasy about other people you've concocted in your mind because you want to believe it about yourself, so badly.

I wish I could say your efforts at self willed autonomy had accomplished something. 

You know they haven't, and you know deep down, that you aren't yourself.